I knew this was going to be difficult. I had never kept anything from my son or daughter. They already knew something was wrong and that I had been going to hospital for urgent tests. They had also heard the word cancer mentioned while I was at the hospital with Harsha, so they were already frightened.
With their mother already in hospital, the thought that their father might also have cancer must have been overwhelming. Rakhi was about 18 and Mitesh 25, and both were deeply anxious. No child wants to see both parents in hospital, both seriously ill. They had never fully accepted their mum’s condition, telling themselves it was all a bad dream and that she would somehow wake up and be herself again. But life does not work like that.
When all the tests were finally complete and I had my diagnosis and treatment plan, I knew it was time to tell them, even before I told their mum. We all knew how Harsha would react to the news. What I did not know was how they would react to mine.
I sat them down in the private family room and we held each other’s hands. The worry was plain on all our faces. My hand was trembling, and they must have felt it, because they held on even tighter.
“I’ve got cancer,” I said, my voice trembling and breaking as if I couldn’t say the words out loud. It was Hodgkin’s lymphoma, found in a lymph node at the back of my neck. We all began to cry. I told them the outlook was very good because it had been caught early. It was Stage 2. I explained the treatment plan, how long I would be off work, and what they could expect.
Mitesh said “Don’t worry Dad, we’re in it together.” Rakhi had tears streaming down her face. She wanted to give me courage, wanted to tell me not to worry — but her emotions were getting the better of her. She could not yet fathom the scale of what lay ahead. Neither could any of us.
We stood up and held each other in a group hug. They clung to me as if letting go might make it all more real. We stayed like that for a long time.
This is Part 4 of My Cancer Story. Read the full series here: https://shoutyourheadoff.com/my-cancer-story/
If you or someone you know has been affected by cancer, Macmillan Cancer Support (https://www.macmillan.org.uk) and Cancer Research UK (https://www.cancerresearchuk.org) offer information, support and helplines.
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