To Sleep ,Perchance to Dream

Published June 3, 2015 by shoutyourheadoff

I went to bed quite late the other night. I was on a very early start for work and needed a much deserved sleep prior to facing another challenging day. As I lay in bed looking at the ceiling where luminous stars had been stuck to imitate the starry night outside, my mind kept wondering to a what if situation. I kept thinking back to 1972 when I first landed in my country of residence with only the clothes on our backs. My mind was wondering if I had settled somewhere else instead of Leicester, where would I be today. I had started work at the tender age of fifteen and a half ! I had lied to get the job and told them I was sixteen.

So I suddenly wake up, or had I slept at all even? I could not for the life of me close my  eyes and not think of “what If”.

And the what if’s of our lives can bring either miserly depression or a happiness not known to me . I kept thinking about my place of residence. What if I had moved to my choice area.But I needed consent. I was brought up in a house where even as an adult, I would seek permission do do even the simplest of things,like make a decision. A decision that would have changed my life and those around me. The stars were bright again. They shone in the darkness of the room. My eyes were open again. A quick glance at the wall clock. 03.30 am. ! Two hours and I’m at work.

Eyes closed again. Thoughts are astray, it’s that “what if ” question again. And so many of the what ifs keep trundling through my brain like a runaway train. It’s non stop. I can’t apply the brakes because  I like the what ifs. They are much better than my current status. So what if wins for tonight. It’s taking over my life tonight.

Another bright star in my eyes. It’s bright yellow. But still on my bedroom ceiling.Another wish shattered. I think a cloud should hide them stars. Maybe it should rain while I’m looking up. I’ll wake up drenched and see reality.

The time is 4.45am Time to jump out of bed as the alarm goes off in unison to my thoughts. As I open my eyes for the millionth time tonight, the over whelming” what if” comes back to haunt me. I know the rest of my sleep depraved day is going to keep the” what if” alive and well.!!

I take a deep breath. I look around. Rub my eyes and look at the ceiling. Tired, yes but not out yet. Then it suddenly dawns on me ( no pun intended) . What if this was just a dream. !14Wei_portrait01_20150310

One comment on “To Sleep ,Perchance to Dream

  • “Intrusive Frustrating Stars” is what IF’s………is about. When you look at stars glowing in the night sky (or ceiling) it’s bound to make you wonder. There are a lot of things that happen and you end up pondering the “what if’s …..
    The problem is, unless you are Einstein searching real answers to countless possibilities and the theories to improve ones existence, you are getting into a spiral of a black hole where you get sucked in, and there appears no real answer.
    BUT, WHAT IF…….all those stars became one light like the sun, like the North Star guiding you in the right direction? Forget those dreams of “what if’s” and live for today, plan for tomorrow, as yesterday’s what ifs are done, they can bring no change.
    Instead of “WHAT IF” why not change it to “IF WHAT”,………..then your thoughts will be for the present and future, and not the past and what might have been.
    I stare at the ceiling in the dark, and wonder IF WHAT I SEE IS BLACK, then I need to put my glasses back on. Remember this, the stars glow every night in unison, some brighter then the other. But they are one, they are a collective. Never feel your the only star alone, we are one and always strong supporting one another. Don’t feel alone – if what we do involves others, then those negative thoughts disappear.

    Posted by JJ – MIDLANDS

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