When I walked out of the consultant’s room and met Bally the senior Nurse,I knew that my whole life was about to change. Nothing was confirmed. No MRI scans had been done,no blood tests nor did I feel anything at all. No illness,no temperature,no blood pressure,no nothing apart from the fact that I found swallowing food difficult.
So Bally hands me a form to have an MRI scan within a week,and as we were coming up to the Easter bank holiday weekend,It was surprising how quickly Bally was able to arrange things. This is when I knew. As I had stepped out from the consultants room,I had known.And I was so afraid. My heart was pumping like a steam engine at full throttle.
Suddenly, there were a million thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts of my wife whom I call Mum. A son and my Daughter. Then there were my sisters, Brothers, in-laws and the list went on. Then they were about the house. Followed by a million what ifs.
I was dumbstruk. I got in the car and tears were welling up in my eyes. I’m asking that great Man in the heavens above..WHY me ? I was on autopilot.
I sat behind the steering wheel,started the car and drove out of the hospital car park.
On the way home,those thoughts running through my head were getting worse.I couldn’t possibly put them all down on paper.
I don’t remember when I got home. But I parked the car as I usually do,half on and off the pavement. I picked up the mobile from the dashboard and instinctively dialed a number I knew would respond.
When he picked up the phone, I immediately broke down. I couldn’t carry on.The lump in my throat felt like a large rock stuck there.It was choking me .
He was panicking at the other end of the phone.Very controlled as always.”What is the matter,I’m coming over”.”No I said”.First words spoken since I drove from the hospital. “I think I have Cancer “
I’m coming over” Again I said “No I need time to think. I’ll call you.”
Are you sure,I think you need someone.”
“I know but I need to be alone for a few minutes before going inside the house”
” OK ! Look if you need I’ll be there as soon as you call”
“Thanks, I know you will, bye for now”
And with that I ended the call. I sat for what seemed an eternity ,looking at the sky and the passing traffic. But in reality, I was there only a couple of minutes. I had to go home. I had left Mum by herself. She was ill herself and I’d been gone long enough. Time to get back to routine. I didn’t know then, but this one 20 minute appointment with Ear Nose and Throat specialist would change the course and thinking of my life ahead………………………..!
ShoutYourHeadOff 